Tag Archives: dog

Crossfit, Wine and Puppies

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Just arrived home from my first “Crossfit Girls’ Wine Night”, and I was surprised by it. I am not a “girls-girl” or well, not much of a anyone’s girl because I avoid social situations as much as possible. Yet, I was told how important accountability was to success in Crossfit (or any long-term goals, really) so I went expecting to stay about twenty minutes. Who would have thought I’d stay over two hours? Not me! Honestly, those ladies were all welcoming, friendly, personable, and… COOL! I actually enjoyed talking to all of them, weird, right?

upI am ecstatic that I went but still so happy to be home with my Toby! It’s amazing how much a lil ball of fur can mean to you. He stays by me when I’m depressed and refusing to get out of bed, he runs to the door at every noise outside to protect me, and he cuddles next to me when I need a hug. He has become my support system. I may have to feed him, take him out, etc… but he takes care of me, too! I’m scared, though. The last dog I loved this much was Shadow. Shadow was the greatest puppy I ever had. We slept on the floor together each night, she laid with me while I was watching tv and she was always there to cheer me up. Nonetheless, she died at   only 8 months. I’m afraid because every one I have ever loved this deeply seems to go away. When Toby had an allergic reaction a few weeks ago, I was a wreck! Yes, I have to accept the fact that loving someone deeply means that I have to accept the risk of losing them one day but it’s still hard!

Dogs have become such a huge part of the American family structure over the years and it seems likely it will continue. Why can’t we find a way to make dogs live as long as we do? Or somehow extend their lifespan? It seems tragic that no matter what we do, our beloved family member is stamped with “Less than 15 years” with us.

I believe that Toby was selected by God to be in my life. cute-dog-loves-ownerGod knew that I needed extra support that I had yet to learn to get from Him… so He placed Toby in my life. Purchasing a puppy the second month into law school seemed like a horrible decision — it was — but it was destined by God. Toby’s birthday is August 16. I started law school on August 16. My first nephew was born August 16. While these events may be coincidental, I no longer believe in coincidence. Everything, everyone, every time is orchestrated to work out in a distinct way. Yes, we can change the direction by the decisions made but if placed in God’s hands, the outcome should be the dogsame. Toby and I were meant to be together during this time of “suffering” and “growth” in my life. God knew how much I would need a companion to stick by me through all the ups and downs.

Some of you may think I am crazy for loving an animal this much, frankly, I used to be right there with you. It is completely cliche to say this, and I already see parents cringing at me but, “You never know how it feels until you have one of your own”. I found my companion at the height of my life–attending a gorgeous law school, making new friends, in an amazing relationship with a brilliant man — and he has stuck with me through the recent downfall of that life. Over the last six months, I lost my boyfriend, my entire circle of friends, a church I loved, and became extremely homesick. I’ve survived it all, though, because I have God and God gave me Toby to help console me and remind me that I am never alone!

My only hope is that I can provide him the same happiness he brings me!

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Without suffering, joy and happiness become common place

Brain Meltdown

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My life has not been that awesome lately. I feel like the carpet has been pulled from underneath me, although this time I have no one to blame but myself. Maybe I have not forgiven myself  for my past mistakes, maybe I still have a lot of room to grow, maybe I am just starting to learn who I am supposed to be?

Each moment I want to take control of everything, and yet I learn that have no control of anything. Why do I feel like I am back in high school? I am longing after a boy that I hurt… he wants barely talks to me anymore, and still I love him more each day. Is this real?

How am I supposed to deal with law school on top of all this craziness? My emotions have more twists than The Hulk roller-coaster. The amount of reading in the second year is not as intense or case-heavy, but there are more things to balance instead of classes. From the teaching assistantship to my new business venture to church activities, sometimes I do not know which way is up.

Maybe I should be happy to have more free time to concentrate on myself and my schoolwork–it isn’t that easy, though. My life seems crazy. The hardest part is trying to figure out who I can trust. The people who I expect to be “great friends” always end up to disappoint me. No one can be the perfect friend. I had/have one…too bad I screwed it up.

Wonder if some people are meant to walk through this journey alone? What if I am not supposed to make friends or make love work? Maybe I am destined to fall in love with the perfect man/best friend and lose him because I am an idiot and never get him back? Is God testing me?

My brain is on over-load!

Confessions of a Dog Mom

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Waiting so patiently!

 As I drive away, I feel like the worst person in the world. I love Toby as if he was a real baby; my first-born. He has been my main support when family and friends are busy with daily life. He gives me reason to wake up in the morning and to come home at night. He is always there waiting for me.

“Ready for bed?”

Leaving Toby this summer… three weeks so far… has been extremely difficult. I cry every time I leave because I hear his cries. Yesterday, he even opened the front screen door and chased after me!  I believe I now have received a small glimpse of what having a child will feel like. I love Toby… I cannot imagine having more love for a living thing, but I am told that it will happen. It is terrifying!

How can you love a creature with some much intensity that just thinking that they are not with you brings tears to your eyes? I cannot believe that I took my time in Florida for granted. While I was there all I could think about was being home… now that I am home, all I can think about is being back.

Now, it is not because I am not enjoying myself. I LOVE being able to spend so much time with Aaron, his family, and my family. Yet, I wish there was some way to have all the people I love in one place. I can never fully enjoy any moment because I am either without Aaron or without Toby. For the few days that I had both in one place… I felt complete.  I cannot wait until the day that I can have that again… and you know what, I no longer am afraid to say:

I am a dog person!

Almost through 1L

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Today has felt a lot like the last few days of grade school. Everyone is giddy and just a bit more outspoken than usual. The lectures are more or less just making it through the material because everyone is really just focused on “will this be on the final?” Personally, I am moving through a surreal state. I cannot believe that I am almost done with my first year of law school. This time last year I was making my decision on where to go to school! Time is so fluid and no matter how hard you try to slow it down, the clock keeps ticking.
My thoughts are focused on organizing notes, updating and streamlining outlines, and preparing for my summer move. I feel like I am starting to get the hang of the schedule I should be following, the amount of work I should be putting into my readings and note-taking, and I am starting to develop ways to implement those ideas. Maybe next year will be my year? Or, maybe I can pull a hail Mary and increase my GPA by at least .25 J

I am overall happy with how this year went. My goals were to work hard, get involved, and not fail out. I’ve managed to accomplish all three. I think the hardest part is that you put a lot of effort into these goals and then are disappointed when things do not turn out the way you expect. Yet, you are judging things based only on your own perception. Today showed that to me. I thought that I had failed at getting involved on campus. I wanted the faculty and administration to know my name and, well, like me. I made my efforts throughout the year but never thought I was anyone who “stood out.” However, today at the Student Organization Awards Luncheon, both my friend, Bradley Muhs, and I were selected among as “Rising Stars” on campus. Neither of us knew about this award’s existence and it was very humbling. I cannot believe that I was selected! There are so many students on this campus that I believe have made a greater impact throughout the year and I know are going to do more great things in the next two years—how can I even begin to compare?

It was an amazing feeling, though. And, even though it was not mentioned, I would like to believe that my blog contributed to their decision.

Next year is going to be great! I already have a group of friends, I am involved in a great church community, and a classmate and I are going to make Relay for Life-Gulfport so

awesome next year! Check out Toby’s Relay attire from this past Saturday’s event:

 

My expectations for next year are going to be high.

Just have to remind myself that…

all is possible to him who believes!