Just arrived home from my first “Crossfit Girls’ Wine Night”, and I was surprised by it. I am not a “girls-girl” or well, not much of a anyone’s girl because I avoid social situations as much as possible. Yet, I was told how important accountability was to success in Crossfit (or any long-term goals, really) so I went expecting to stay about twenty minutes. Who would have thought I’d stay over two hours? Not me! Honestly, those ladies were all welcoming, friendly, personable, and… COOL! I actually enjoyed talking to all of them, weird, right?
I am ecstatic that I went but still so happy to be home with my Toby! It’s amazing how much a lil ball of fur can mean to you. He stays by me when I’m depressed and refusing to get out of bed, he runs to the door at every noise outside to protect me, and he cuddles next to me when I need a hug. He has become my support system. I may have to feed him, take him out, etc… but he takes care of me, too! I’m scared, though. The last dog I loved this much was Shadow. Shadow was the greatest puppy I ever had. We slept on the floor together each night, she laid with me while I was watching tv and she was always there to cheer me up. Nonetheless, she died at only 8 months. I’m afraid because every one I have ever loved this deeply seems to go away. When Toby had an allergic reaction a few weeks ago, I was a wreck! Yes, I have to accept the fact that loving someone deeply means that I have to accept the risk of losing them one day but it’s still hard!
Dogs have become such a huge part of the American family structure over the years and it seems likely it will continue. Why can’t we find a way to make dogs live as long as we do? Or somehow extend their lifespan? It seems tragic that no matter what we do, our beloved family member is stamped with “Less than 15 years” with us.
I believe that Toby was selected by God to be in my life. God knew that I needed extra support that I had yet to learn to get from Him… so He placed Toby in my life. Purchasing a puppy the second month into law school seemed like a horrible decision — it was — but it was destined by God. Toby’s birthday is August 16. I started law school on August 16. My first nephew was born August 16. While these events may be coincidental, I no longer believe in coincidence. Everything, everyone, every time is orchestrated to work out in a distinct way. Yes, we can change the direction by the decisions made but if placed in God’s hands, the outcome should be the same. Toby and I were meant to be together during this time of “suffering” and “growth” in my life. God knew how much I would need a companion to stick by me through all the ups and downs.
Some of you may think I am crazy for loving an animal this much, frankly, I used to be right there with you. It is completely cliche to say this, and I already see parents cringing at me but, “You never know how it feels until you have one of your own”. I found my companion at the height of my life–attending a gorgeous law school, making new friends, in an amazing relationship with a brilliant man — and he has stuck with me through the recent downfall of that life. Over the last six months, I lost my boyfriend, my entire circle of friends, a church I loved, and became extremely homesick. I’ve survived it all, though, because I have God and God gave me Toby to help console me and remind me that I am never alone!
My only hope is that I can provide him the same happiness he brings me!
Without suffering, joy and happiness become common place