1L of a Life: Week Six

It’s hard to believe that I am almost half-way through my first semester of law school. I am about to take my second quiz in one of my classes, and a midterm in two weeks in another. My second memo is due in just a little under two weeks.

The stress is slightly overwhelming at times, but at the same instant, it is an enjoyable experience. I actually enjoy studying for hours and the classes are interesting. It is true that some of the cases are boring and difficult to read but I am making my way through it.

My goals for the next few weeks are to begin to incorporate exercise into my schedule again, start attending a weekly Bible study group, attend church weekly, and take care of myself. I need to stop spending money on needless items when my budget is already as tight as it can be. I need to become more independent than I am now.

I just need to live, better.

For the love

I cannot believe that Demi L went through a similar situation. It makes me feel like my story isn’t as uncommon as I used to believe it was. If you have a minute, you should really listen to her new song “For the Love of a daughter” the lyrics are really touching and you can almost feel the pain behind the words.

Fathers don’t realize the impact that they have on their children’s lives, whether or not they choose to be a part of it.

“Four years old with my back to the door
All I could hear was the family war
You’re selfish and always expecting more
Am I your child or just a charity award

You have a hallowed out heart
But it’s heavy in your chest
I try so hard to fight it
But it’s hopeless
Hopeless
You’re hopeless

Oh father
Please father
I’d love to leave you alone
But I can’t let you go
Oh father
Please father
Put the bottle down
For the love of a daughter
Oh

It’s been five years
Since we’ve spoken last
And you can’t take back
What we never had

Well I can be manipulated
Only so many times
Before even I love you
Starts to sound like a lie

You have a hallowed out heart
But it’s heavy in your chest
I try so hard to fight it
[ From : http://www.elyrics.net/read/d/demi-lovato-lyrics/for-the-love-of-a-daughter-lyrics.html ]

But it’s hopeless
Hopeless
You’re hopeless

Oh father
Please father
I’d love to leave you alone
But I can’t let you go
Oh father
Please father
Put the bottle down
For the love of a daughter

Don’t you remember
I’m your baby girl
How could you push me out of your world
Lie to your flesh and your blood
Put your hands on the ones that you swore you loved

Don’t you remember
I’m your baby girl
How could you throw me right out of your world
So young when the pain had begun
Now forever afraid of being alone

Oh father
Please father
I’d love to leave you alone
But I can’t let you go
Oh father
Oh father
Please father
Put the bottle down
For the love of a daughter
For the love of a daughter”

1L of a Life: Sept 15

Sitting in Criminal Law right now and I am having a difficult time paying attention.
My professor is wearing her hair differently today, and her usual jewelry has been replaced with a turquoise necklace and silver bulb earrings. Why does this bother me? I feel like I was just starting to learn her ways, but now there’s a curveball. Who is she? Is it necessary to know your professor to do well in the course?
I think so.

If I can understand why they teach in a certain way, then I believe that I can narrow down what information will be weighed more heavily on the final exam.

Why is law school so intimidating? Everyone is typing away and I look around thinking “She just said ‘Good morning’, what are you typing!?” I do not want to feel behind, I do not want to miss something important; but, what is it that they are seeing or hearing that I have misinterpreted the importance of?

I’ve done the readings, I’ve written some notes, I’ve thought about the notes and questions… but what am I missing?

1L of a Life: Week 4

Mid-way through another week. It is going fast. I had my first law school exam–well, mini-exam–on Monday and I am pleased to say that I survived it! The work load is getting more intense: my first memo is due on Sunday, reading lengths are increasing, and outlines are growing. No matter how much I study, it never seems like enough. If I study for 6 hours, I feel like I should have studied for ten. It is intense. The stress is finally getting to me and I just do not know if I am going to handle it.

I am missing home, missing my boyfriend, missing Duquesne, missing familiarity. I thought that homesickness would be tamed if I came down here but now it seems like the more used to Florida I become, the more I miss home. It almost seems wrong to like it here. It seems wrong to be enjoying myself, and when I do I stop and think how much I wish I had Dub or my home friends here.

Being a law student is a lifestyle. The readings and work only make up a small part of it. Learning to adjust to the lifestyle–how to balance the work, family, friends, home, relaxation–is the hardest part. Yet, I do enjoy the studying. I enjoy the tests and deadlines. I love the craziness. And, I’m actually enjoying taking care of myself. I like doing dishes and cooking. I like to clean and organize. Being domestic is fun.

What am I going to do? Why do I still feel like something, some part of my life, is missing?

Law school is a new chapter of my life, but somehow, I still feel like I’m not moving forward.